Tar Pit Paradise
My project at work is almost out of control. Requirements change by the hour. It’s like a tar pit.
Speaking of tar pits, new rapper Mofflio brings us this parody tune of Gangsta Paradise, the new update theme for scope creep, titled “Tar Pit Paradise”:
Verse 1:
As I click through the repository that houses my code
I take a look at my clock and see the end of the road
‘Cause they’ve been switching their minds so fast
That even the scrum master isn’t having a blast
But I ain’t never seen a method that didn’t deserve it
Only one mission in your class and it better serve it
You better watch how you’re importing, and don’t be snorting
Or you and your package might end up reported
I really hate to talk, but I gotta, though
When I see the red bars and the coverage low, fool
I’m the type of coder your mama told you about
Ripping shalls to shreds while I’m taking all the fun out!
Chorus:
I’ve been sitting in this cube living in a tar pit paradise
We keep spending most our time writing code while the whole project dies
Design for change but we keep living in a tar pit paradise
Scope creeps in tall and wide, slipping in while the whole project dies
Verse 2:
They got this situation that I’ve been facing
I can’t try to refactor, it is just time wasting
So I gotta go along with the anemic stuff
No way to improve, you’re just dreaming, tough
I’m a domain-driven fool with clarity on my mind
Got my nine in my pocket and Evans on my side
“I’m an uber leet hacker who acts like a cracker
Tell this product owner to shut up or I might smack her, fool”
Cancellation ain’t nothing but a defect away
When null pointers come during the review, what will I say?
Got five years to go before 401k vests
The way things are going, I’ll write a test
Bridge:
Why are we so blind to see that the code we write ain’t cheap or free?
Chorus:
I’ve been sitting in this cube living in a tar pit paradise
We keep spending most our time writing code while the whole project dies
Design for change but we keep living in a tar pit paradise
Scope creeps in tall and wide, slipping in while the whole project dies
Verse 3:
Coupling and cohesion, cohesion and coupling
Spaghetti code’s a mess, oh so troubling
Everybody’s morons, but most of them don’t know it
What’s going on in these reviews? Scope’ll creep through
They say I gotta lighten up, but HR is watching me
But they don’t understand me, thick-headed probably
I guess I’m stuck, this project’s fucked
I guess it’s luck if we ever finish anything now, fool!
Chorus:
I’ve been sitting in this cube living in a tar pit paradise
We keep spending most our time writing code while the whole project dies
Design for change but we keep living in a tar pit paradise
Scope creeps in tall and wide, slipping in while the whole project dies
Why are we so blind to see that the code we write ain’t cheap or free?
Why are we so blind to see that the code we write ain’t cheap or free?
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